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Unlucky in love? You can place the blame on dear old mom and dad. According to a new study published in the journal Child Development, parents who use guilt trips to manipulate their kids may end up ruining them for relationships later in life.
Researchers at the University of Virginia followed 184 people from when they were 13 to when they were 21. At ages 13, 18, and 21, the participants reported things like how much "psychological control" their parents exerted, how independent and self-confident they were, and how they conducted themselves in friendships and romantic relationships.
"Psychological control" was defined as using guilt, withdrawing love, fostering anxiety, or generally being manipulative to control their kids. Examples include a mom acting less friendly if she didn't agree with her child, or a dad saying, "If you really cared for me, you wouldn't do things to worry me."
Teens whose parents used emotional manipulation to control them ended up struggling to form relationships without losing their independence. And that effect can linger through adulthood, since researchers found the better 18-year-olds were at relationships, the better they were a few years later.
"Teens who learn—or fail to learn—how to express independence and closeness with friends and partners during adolescence carry these skills forward into adult relationships," lead researcher Barbara A. Oudekerk said in a statement.
Too much parental manipulation can lead to unhealthy relationships down the line. So yes, your shrink was right: It's all your mother's fault.
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